Screamour
A Facile, Hollow Man of Plastic Convictions
David Seymour's bad-faith bullsh*t is obnoxious to listen to, just like this 3D-printed scream-whistle. Blow into the crown of the head, and it sounds like this (but loud!):
Why?
We think the Screamour is a pretty good representation of David Seymour and his trollish brand of politics. And we think Epsom deserves better!
- Seymour and his party have misappropriated billions set aside for settlements for nurses, teachers, women who were underpaid for decades12. Far from spending that money responsibly, he has spent it on his own puffed-up pet ministry34.
- He deliberately brings Atlas Network's brand of dirty, divisive, racist politics into our lives5, pretending he doesn't understand our history, our culture, to take part in diminishing it6. When he worked in politics in Calgary, he had a Canadian accent. But, in New Zealand, his native accent is wielded in the same way: to mask that his words serve the interests of foreigners, not New Zealanders.
- He attempts to bind up the future sovereignty of Parliament, while claiming to be cutting regulations78. And he does this useless posturing while failing to effectively regulate destructive natural monopolies in the grocery and power sectors: New Zealand cannot afford a Minister of Regulation who refuses to regulate well, due to his extreme ideology.
He is not someone we should be giving our seat to.
There's a lot of reasons not to vote for Seymour, from his arrogant naivety when it comes to the use of generative AI, or the way he destroyed a great local lunch scheme for kids in favour of feeding them prison food910. There's basically something for everyone: if you're already aligned with the right wing of the political spectrum, you should know that he's a bad conservative, and unless you have a few billion dollars kicking around, you are not his constituent.
What Now?
We ask you humbly, regardless of whether you're a left or right-leaning voter, to use your two votes to the full extent, and:
Vote for Paul Goldsmith for the Epsom electorate
- If you're a left wing voter: do not waste your electorate vote. A vote for anyone but Goldsmith, under FPP, is a waste of your second vote. Help us unseat one of the worst politicians in NZ history by voting tactically.
- If you're a right wing voter: it's time to end the John Banks-era 'cup-of-tea' experiment, and return to competent, traditional, conservative representation in Epsom. Paul Goldsmith is a proven, competent, and experienced National MP who will represent Epsom's interests in Parliament.
Join the Majority
Most people's electorate vote doesn't matter much. If you live in Epsom, yours does. Seymour does not have a majority, only a plurality: a vote for Goldsmith can have a strong effect.
In every one of the last four elections, a united tactical vote would have beaten Seymour
Get Your Own Screamour
If you have a 3D printer, you probably already know what to do with the following files:
If you don't have access to a 3D printer, and you live in the Epsom electorate, you can ask.
Delivery
Leave your address and we'll add it to the list. No promises we'll get to you and no timeframe - but if we do a hand-delivery run around Epsom, we'll try.
We won't send you anything else nor use your address for any other purpose.
Disposal
If you have a Screamour and don't want it, wait until Halloween and give it to a trick-or-treater. If you weren't thinking of voting for Seymour anyway, give it to a neighbour, and remind them to vote for Goldsmith.
The Screamour is printed in PLA, a plastic derived from corn starch (it might deform a bit if you leave it in the sun on a hot day). It can be safely disposed of in your regular rubbish, like Seymour's candidacy.
Licence & Attribution
This model is a derivative of this basic whistle by ABCardiff used under CC BY-NC-SA. As it's a ShareAlike licence, the Screamour is also CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. You can use, remix and share it under the same terms.